I haven’t read it yet. Maybe I never will. Oh how the media love replicating the division that continues to harm. Did you see some complaining not enough being said about working class boys underachievement. Don’t they realise it’s all part of the same thing? How do you achieve anything when those around you doubt your abilities, reinforce any self doubt, make it impossible. Don’t even notice you’re there except when it comes to finding a way to limit or put down.
I looked for jobs. Nothing. Good in a way, it’s hard to sell yourself when you feel worthless, hard to remember how I had the time, energy or passion. Yes I feel robbed of that too. Some speak of mission. Yeah well, enjoy, not one I was valued in. Hard to see myself as a stakeholder in that. When you’re not valued for what you bring, treated like a worthless piece of shit, hard to shake that off and just move on.
Met a friend in passing while in the supermarket. She’s left her job. It wasn’t what it used to be, now just a tick box exercise, jumping through government hoops. Job sapped of meaning and care. Shame, she has so much to offer. She’s found another, marking time, searching for something more suitable. Systems that beat the life out of people. I didn’t use to be this miserable. I’m angry that I allowed myself to be used, eagerly sucked it up. How dare you. You know who you are. You people who use people then throw them away.
It’s interesting to me to see the interest from Palliative care getting work published about racism, guess I’ll look out for that. Cogs grind slowly, are people beginning to wonder if there’s something in it? Who would have thought it hey that a system of oppression would effect you too. I’m defeated by it, that whiteness that works so well. Those gnawing gaps that some choose not to see, leading to starvation in the same way that they always did, cages that are both physical and psychological.
I’m struggling to see a way forward. I think that’s a symptom of having your worth dismissed, hard to find that again. This violence that is usually held in silence.
Those around me say give up on my cousin, at least that might help, won’t drag us all down. I can only see it getting worse as physical health declines. None of us have the strength left to help. How many years has it been, getting no further. We walked today, it doesn’t help, probably getting worse, nothing helps anymore. I feel done.
The evidence of atrocities is all there. Someone had posted an original, a museum cited the collection and original source. I tried to make sense of it, seeking the translation. It still didn’t make sense. Together but separate.
Our shared history of trauma as oppressors and oppressed. The ordinary-ness of it, presented as everyday and that is how it is.
Richard Okorogheye is missing, his Mum, Evidence Joel is a Nurse. When she was concerned for her son she went to the police. It sounds like she was pretty much dismissed. Joel is a staff Nurse, she understands duty of care. She has specific concerns based on what she knows both as a Mum and a Nurse. As a Mum of a teen my heart goes out to her, she must be worried sick.