The call came from the Nurse, they have a new plan regards the tablets. She’s not eligible for a blister pack. She seems happy so let’s hope the new plan will be a step in the right direction. She sounds calmer has a plan for the day.
Meanwhile a respite from the anxious calls.
Others have birthdays and interviews today and I’ve got a day to catch up on the things I’ve neglected.
I love how optimistic children are, how they think their parents can do anything. How they just send me a picture of a cake and say Mum can you make that. I have to laugh. Did I mention before how our daughter said I should enter the bake off! Oh my goodness, has she forgotten the dinners burnt to the bottom of the pan! Seriously I couldn’t imagine anything worse.
I had a go at some creation that our son sent me. It’s still in the fridge, not yet disturbed, meanwhile I’ve made an apple pie. Lost in the moment as I made the pastry.
I couldn’t get what I wanted yesterday, the shop was closed. I’d forgotten, do you remember how it used to be half day closing on a Wednesday afternoon and all day Sundays? Thursday afternoons in Colchester. Managed to find a ‘dofer’ (a “it’ll do for now”) a bottle of rose lemonade that I accidentally dropped in my rush to get to the appointment. Oh well. These things happen.
Yesterday I met one of my Dad’s old friends. Looking old and a little unkempt I think his wife died, haven’t seen him in years. Lovely to catch up. There was something in the way he spoke that just made me wonder about his family. Can’t remember, did his daughter move away? We shared a joke and a bit of laughter talked about his hobbies, what he’s up to now.
Met a friend who is a singer, no wonder it takes such a long time to get anything done.
I’m caught up in some non sense about the dart charge. I’ve sent proof of payment but four emails later and it’s still unresolved. Why does nothing actually work in this country?
I still haven’t got round to the bit I was writing about last week’s family zoom. It feels important given the amount of intergenerational hate we’re hearing expressed at the moment.
I remember this patient years ago. They knew they were dying but hadn’t discussed it with those closest to them. The husband knew too but neither of them discussed it. Separate sides locked in their own reality. It was so painful to watch. The loneliness screaming out.
Anyway the husband thought I’d told the wife and was absolutely livid. The thing that I remember most was that he was so angry at his beloved dying. He just needed to express that anger.
It came at me full force. Oh phone, sounds like she’s had a nice afternoon.
Anyway where was I so I just had to stand back until those furious words came out. Because it wasn’t really about anything I’d done or not done. He was just so angry at the thought of losing his life partner, what life was throwing at him.
And that’s how it is when someone’s angry. How do you know what it’s about unless you really listen. Deeply listen without your own agenda. Without words at the readiness. All that can come out once that fury is out. That big gust of emotion.
I can hear you are really angry.
Pause, let that wave of fury do it’s worse (I’m saying this as someone who has never been hit physically in a professional capacity. I know that is not an experience shared by all.) That anger doesn’t last long in my experience. It’s too exhausting, but let it run its course, the adrenaline continue until it’s spent. Don’t interrupt, don’t get in the way. Be super conscious of power relations, height, body language, surroundings.
People know if you’re listening or just pretending or just preparing your words. That’s the time to shut the fuck up and listen to the other person.
Anyway that’s just my experience. What’s worked for me, what was reinforced on that course I did. Once that anger has been named and let out there’s so much more space and opportunity to deal with the real issues.
Goodness is it that time already, better get on. Eid Mubarak blessings.