When I haven’t been chasing around after my cousin’s medication I’ve been looking at jobs. I’m so utterly disheartened. The loss of confidence since being made redundant sits as a heavy weight and with each job I look at all the things I can’t do, aren’t trained to do, have zero interest in, find things that I’d like to do but for one reason or another can’t. Don’t want to do. I need to find something that will get me out of this black hole that I’ve fallen into. Not even a response from the last three I’ve applied for. Been through interviews only to get no feedback and no response.
I could kick myself that I didn’t apply for the taxi job that I saw the other week. I’m feeling done with Nursing. To add insult to injury just as I was typing this dropped into my in box. I had previously sent this to my manager where I worked up until being made redundant when it was available before. Again not even a response despite it coming on the back of the gaps audit I’d been doing. Another reason why it’s hard to shake off the feeling of hopelessness. It’s a fallacy to talk about meritocracy or effort leading to reward.
“The QNI invites expressions of interest from healthcare organisations that are interested to commission nurse-led innovation projects in the community.”
Perhaps it’s these constant reminders of what I was trying to do that make letting go so difficult. Meanwhile twenty people queue up for sandwiches as I walk past. Bitter, moi?